Teach Your Children!!!!

A very wise Social Worker once said about the children who are now entering our schools, "We are now having to teach children skills that they used to come to school already knowing. This is our new challenge."

If you haven't been inside of an elementary school lately, you might wonder what skills are lacking.  Is it Math? Reading? Science?  No, she was referring to more basic things than academics, and it is true that many of us are guilty of not teaching these things anymore.  So here's a list of the things teachers wish your kids knew when they entered school.

1. How to dress themselves.  It might be hard to believe, but many kids come to school without these skills, especially kids with stay at home moms.  Kids in childcare usually learn dressing skills by necessity as the childcare staff are outnumbered and zipping your own coat means more outdoor playtime.  By the age of 3, your child should be able to put a coat on and take it off herself with some assistance getting the zipper started.  By 5, he should be able to start the zipper and zip up himself.  Also in this category, zipping and snapping pants and buttoning shirts.  And parents of daughters, do us a favor and stop sending your girls in bodysuits that snap in the crotch.  For legal reasons, we are not going to help with that.

2. How to Tie Shoes:  I will admit that I am guilty of not teaching my kids this skills until way too

late.  The problem is those damn velcro shoes.  The velcro shoes have all the cool lights and superheroes on them.  The tie shoes were always more boring and weren't selected as often.  And so I was mortified when I watched my 9 year old ask the referee to tie his soccer cleats for him during a time out.  We went out the next day and bought tie shoes for both kids and they were forced to learn.  This can be a hard skill for some kids and it takes time which is why many of us keep putting it off but it important to take the time to teach it.  If your child struggles, buy a pair of spare shoes that tie and practice at home on the weekend when you can devote more time.  Also, an Occupational Therapist friend suggested coloring one half of the shoelace  a different color with a sharpie marker.  This helps the child to see which lace they are holding and which they are wrapping around.  A friend of mine actually cut 2 different colored laces in half and sewed the halves together.  It worked great.

3. How to use a toilet.  Do kids actually come to school without being potty trained?  Yes, unfortunately, they do.  The age at which children become potty trained seems to be later and later. I personally blame Pull-Ups.  Pull-Ups are the worst thing to happen to potty training, ever.  A pull up is just a DIAPER! Children cannot tell the difference between the 2.  If you want to potty train your children they need to be wearing underwear.  And yes, older parents who have a house full of expensive furniture, they will pee on your couch, floor, etc.  It's only pee, get a decent urine stain remover from the pet supply store and get over it.  Also, no one is going to help your child wipe in preschool or Kindergarten so please include wiping when potty training.  For children with special needs or those difficult to train children, try an enuresis monitor.  These are meant for bedwetting but work great for difficult to train kids.  There is a sensor that clips to the underwear and a vibrating alarm that pins to the back of their clothing.  It will beep when even the slightest bit of water gets on it.  You then rush them off the the bathroom.  Also, teach them to clean themselves up after an accident and put clothes in the wash.  Potty training takes vigilance and persistence and we are all busy but this is a vital school skill.  And unless your child has developmental delays or some medical necessity, don't you dare send them to school in a pull-up.

4. How to sit.  Sitting? Really?  Uh, yeah.  I am not suggesting that children sit for long periods of time but teaching your child to sit for 5 minutes to do an activity would be so helpful.  Whether its playing with blocks, listening to a story, or coloring with crayons, children need to be able to sit for a few minutes and attend to an activity.  Oh, and I understand that your child can play a game on your phone for 3 hours easily.  That doesn't count.  They need to be doing something non electronic hopefully involving their hands.

5. How to eat at a table.  To piggyback off the #4, you also need to teach your child to sit at a table for meals.  Many children don't sit for meals, they run around the house with some sort of finger food in their hand.  At school they will have 15 minutes to eat lunch.  They will be expected to sit at a table to do this and running around is frowned upon by the lunch parents.  Do your kid a favor, and feed them dinner at the table.  If they get up, plop their butt right back on the chair and keep doing it until they learn to sit. As an added bonus, your next trip to a restaurant will be much more enjoyable as well.

6. How to eat with utensils.  There is nothing worse than the family gathering together

for Thanksgiving dinner and having to be subjected to your children shoving mashed potatoes in their mouths using their hands because you never taught them to use a fork.  Or how about when you 10 year old goes out to dinner with the neighbors and has to ask someone to cut up his meat because he has no idea how to use a knife.    Most 3 year-olds should be able to use a spoon and fork and by 5 they should be starting to use a knife.  I admit that this is a skill I HATED teaching to my kids.  It took a really long time and I can't tell you how many times I have said the words "use a fork" or "cut that up" but I am grateful that I started early and kept on them.  We can take them anywhere for dinner and they don't eat like cave people.   

7. How to entertain themselves without electronics.  While teachers try to keep things moving all the time, there will be lulls in the action.  Papers need to be passed out, unexpected guests stop by, and students will have to entertain themselves while the teacher takes care of business. You don't have to whip out your cell phone every time you have to wait for the waitress to bring the food or their sibling has dance class.  Help your child come up with other options for waiting.

8. How to follow a direction. I have seen many parents follow their children around giving

directions that never get followed.  A parent came to pick up her child at my home after a play date and kept saying, "pick up these toys before we go." Her child's response was to look at her and then run off in the other direction.  She proceeded to follow him around repeating the direction over and over while he continued to ignore her.  Then she started making threats like, "no ice cream later..."  which he also ignored.  Finally, they left without the child ever doing what she had asked AND he got that ice cream anyway.  Do yourself a favor and, if your child doesn't follow your direction, MAKE THEM.  I was partial to the marionette method.  If my kids wouldn't follow the clean up direction, I would move their arms like a puppet and "help" them pick up the toys eventually they realized that they might as well do what I said as they knew I would make them do it anyway.  Now, I am not saying that my kids follow every direction but they do most of the time.  If your child doesn't follow directions, they are in for a rude awakening the first day of school and so are you. 

9. How to use the words please, thank you, and sorry.  I am not a huge etiquette person.  I think many rules of etiquette are outmoded and unnecessary but children should learn to treat others with respect.  When you or someone else gives your child something, prompt them to say thank you.  When they ask for something, have them add please on the end.  If they do something wrong, in addition to repairing the situation, they should say sorry.  Your child does not have to be ready to dine with the Queen but she should at least have a basic knowledge of manners.  These simple words will make your child more likable to other children as well as adults.  Believe me, children notice lapses in politeness and many will not play with a child who is rude.

There are about 100 other skills that are important but not listed here.  Parenting is a hard job.  It takes time and persistence.  You cannot parent from your couch with your TV or while texting your friends or playing games on your phone.  You actually have to get down on the floor and spend time with your kids and yes, you will have to remind them a thousand times before they master these skills.  And, if that's too much for you, do us all a favor and get yourself some birth control.